So, you’ve had a rompous, exciting, and very intense bdsm session. Now, it may be time for aftercare. Aftercare is just as an important part of your bdsm negotiations as determining limits and establishing safety words. Some people claim to need no aftercare, while others need a lot. Personally, I've found that sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. My aftercare may include just grabbing a burger somewhere and chatting, while other times it consists of dreamy lovemaking along with lots of cuddles and kisses. It just depends on how intense and how invested I am in the play.
So, what exactly is aftercare?
Aftercare is whatever you need to do to feel “normal” again after practicing bdsm. A period for your mind and body to recover. Sounds silly, doesn’t it? But during a bdsm scene, even involving simple rope play, one’s mind, body, and spirit can be intensely affected. During a bdsm scene, mixed emotions, physical exertion, and a rush of various neural chemicals can occur. Adrenaline, serotonin, and endorphins can be pumping at high volumes during your play, but afterwards these levels will start to return to normal. This can leave you with a “dropped” feeling. Think about how you feel a few minutes after getting off of a rollercoaster or after you’ve experienced a car accident. That blah feeling that can leave you feeling exhausted, depressed, dizzy, anxious, or nauseous. In addition, due to the amounts of energy you are using during the scene, your blood sugar can also drop. Aftercare is meant to counteract these feelings. Aftercare is also a good time to reinforce emotional connections with a romantic partner or even feelings of well-being to a casual partner.
Some items and activities for aftercare may include:
- favorite snacks
- sugary drinks like fruit juice
- wrap up in a blanket
- lying down
- verbal affirmations
- discuss the scene
- thank each other
- a massage
- ice pack or heating pad
- relaxing music
- complete quiet or isolation
- a warm bath
- sex or affection if that applies to your partner
These are of course just a few examples. Find out whatever works for you and your partner. Keep in mind that aftercare can be applicable to Cats (Top/Dom) as well as kittens (Sub/Bottom). And while it is the Cat’s responsibility to insure the kitten has sufficient aftercare, be sure the Cat has a plan to get their aftercare needs met. And finally, it’s good to have everything you need for aftercare on hand before play starts. That way after play is over, no one has to leave the area and aftercare can begin immediately. Have fun, play safe, and stay kinky!